Bird Hunting

Guest Writer

Boseefus

                                                                                                                                09 Settembur, 2002

                Well, it all happened last weekend.  Me and my cousins was out by the old camoro drinkin brews and havin a good ol’ time.  Timmy and Bubba got the bestest idea.  He suggested that we go huntin for birds.  We figured this would be easy enough cuz most of the birds was sittin on some wires that was coming off a big pole leading to my single-wide.  So, we finished our beers and headed to my pick-up to get our huntin gear.  We keep it in the pick-up cuz it’s easier to get to that way.  Plus we can stop quickly and shoot deer when we pass them on the road when we go to get more beer.      

                So, we loaded up our coolers with more beer and ammo.  I was usin ol’ Bessy, my bestest shot gun.  And then we set out to the curb.  The grass is taller by the front curb, specially near the mail box.  It makes for good hidin so the birds couldn’t see us comin for them. 

                It started off slow.  We was all hunkered down in the grass tryin to be quiet so’s i could get a clean shot, when all of a sudden, them there birds all flew off the wire.  That idjit timmy had to open up another beer and the sound scared off all the birds.  So we all had more beer and waited for the birds to come back.  After a few of them beers there was 3 times as many birds.  I think it was worth the wait.  Apparently birds are attracted to the sound of beer cans bein opened.  There were so many birds that they even had to bring two more wires to sit on.

                So we all hunkered down again and took aim.  Slowly I pulled the trigger and BLAMMO!!!!!  I got one of the birds.  It had some of the brightest colors.  It had reds, yellows, and greens.  I had shot me a parrot.  Timmy looked at me and told me I needed to mount it.  I looked at him and said, “you are just sick.”       

                Apparently he meant that I should take it back to my trailer and mount it above the fireplace.  Anyway, I took it home to my trailer and showed it to the little lady and the 6 chilluns.  They thought it was a fine kill and the wife put it up above the charcoal grill in the corner that we use for the fireplace.  The ol’ lady thought it added spice to the house and it matched the wire spool we use for a dinner table.  All my friends thought it was the best kill that they had ever seen.      

                Even the local sheriff thought it was good enough to come see.  When he asked me if he could take it with him, he hand cuffed me again when I refused to give it up.  I hate the way the cops harrass me when I kill something.  They get so jealous cuz they don’t know how to hunt all that good.  I woke up in a jail cell the next day and through blurry eyes and a hang-over, I saw the sheriff labeling my kill.  I thought this was gonna be some kinda honor till he told me he had tagged it as “exhibit A.”  Apparently them birds was smart.  They made a traffic light look like a damm parrot.  Now I gotta buy more ammo and go huntin again.  This ammo and brew is gettin expensive, specially since I can’t use my food stamps to buy that stuff.  Well, I’ll tell ya how next weekend goes when we go hunting for fish.  I gotta buy more ammo first.

                                                                                                Boseefus

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