And the Band Played On

 By Rick

It wasn’t that many years ago that I played base guitar in a home grown rock band called Buzz Kracks.  If we ever had a claim to fame it would have been the night we played at Burtons Bar and Grill and VCR Repair.   It lasted only one night.  But that was enough for our little town.

The entire band had just graduated high school.  Having nothing better to do, we put together a band, grew our hair long and played Lenard Skynard until our fingers bled.  Our lead singer, Mick, could belt out Sweet Home Alabama with the best of them and Kate, our drummer, could really bang – drums.  I fancied myself as the ultimate base player and could rattle out the windows in any place I played.

Mick, although underage, always managed to be somewhat drunk.   Some of his best lead playing always seemed to be when he was six sheets to the wind.  He smoked heavily, even more that I did and I was already doing two packs a day.  Never without his nearly knee high leather motorcycle boots, he always bore the look of a Hells Angles member even though he never rode a bike in his life.  He had recently gotten himself a tattoo the width of his arm that was a graphic of a large red heart with a banner across that read “MOM”.

Katie had her tattoo also.  A butterfly.  I saw it once when she raised her t-shirt to prove that she didn’t stuff her bra.  She never wore one.  This fact was at least entertaining when she got overly enthusiastic on the drums with arms, legs and other things flailing around madly. 

We had begun to get a little following, groupies actually, that would hang out with us when we practiced in the barn out behind our trailer.  At first it was just kids we knew from school that wanted someplace to hang out after work but later it grew to quite a little following of even older folks.  They kept the beer supplied and many nights we’d play until someone puked.  Most nights we’d have between 20 to 30 people come on out with a 6 pack and lawn chairs.  Frequently, you’d get a couple making out right in front of the makeshift stage we set up.  They usually put on such a good show that we even made up a cute song to play when they started getting to hot.  From what I remember the lyrics went something like “Your hands are cold but that’s ok ‘cause I’m so hot for you.  Bite me, baby, bite me baby, make me feel some pain.”  Not the stuff classics are made of but still fun.

It was the night of the 1^st of July when we had Rodney showed up.  Rodney owned a local bar called – and I ain’t making this up - Burtons Bar and Grill and VCR Repair.  He had heard about us and wanted to see what we were all about.  He watched us goof around with the music and even heard some of the junk we wrote ourselves.  We pretty much ignored him.  To us, he was just another dude looking to hang out.  When we took a short break to hit the head and find someone to give us a beer, Rodney approached us.  He wanted us to play at his bar on the 4^th of July.  It seems that the band he had lined up broke up and now he was stuck without one.  He said he couldn’t pay us – the cheap sucker – but that this would give us some good exposure.   Kate was all about exposure and immediately agreed.  Mick wanted more, though.  Mick told him that if he provided the beer, we’d be there.  Rodney knew we were underage but he needed a band so he agreed.

The 4^th came and we set up early.  We weren’t due to go on stage until 9 o’clock but we were all set up by noon.  After that we hit the beach and handed out some flyers that Rodney had printed.  I was surprised that  a lot of people have heard of the Buzz Kracks.  A few people actually said “the Butt Cracks?”  We knew the jokes before we chose the name so we just had fun with it.

When we took the stage at 9, the place was packed.  Standing room only.  Almost everyone that ever came to our little backyard barn show was there.   Rodney had a great big grin on his face as he poured through keg after keg.  He had extra help that night and they were hustling.

Mick had already began to collect on his beer payment.  So had Katie.  I held off some.  I figured that it might be a long night and didn’t want to pass out before we were done with our gig.  But Mick and Katie were pounding ‘em back. 

Of course we started out with “Sweet Home Alabama” and the place rocked.  I can’t remember the next three songs during the third song  a couple started making out right in front of the stage so for the next song Mike kicks right into “Your hands are cold but that’s ok ‘cause I’m so hot for you.  Bite me, baby, bite me baby, make me feel pain.”  This, of course drew attention to the front of the stage and apparently one of the people whose attention was drawn didn’t like seeing his wife making out with some other dude.

The best I can describe the disaster that then happened is with the word EXPLOSION.  There were fist and beer bottles flying from everywhere.  When some dude sat on the stage trying to keep from getting hit, Mick kicked him in the back with those heavy boots he war.  Perhaps if he had been sober he would have know better than to kick a guy nearly 200 hundred pounds heaver than him.  This guy just climbed up and proceeded to beat Mick him senseless. 

The stage was small, but I headed to the back of it as best I could to get out the way.  Kate was screaming at the top of her lungs in that screeching, high, annoying voice she has when she’s had too much to drink, at the dude kicking the crap out of Mick.  She then took the crash symbol from the drum set and banged the dude over the head with it.  He didn’t even so much as flinch.  He just grabbed Katie by the t-shirt, intended to throw her but succeeded only in ripping it completely off.  There she stood for the entire place to see her pretty butterfly tattoo.

Micks beating stopped.  For just a moment there was a dead silence in the room as the entire placed stood in shock.   Just for a brief moment.  Then someone got thrown out the window.  Every exit door in the place flung open as people rushed out to get out of the way.  Some where in the back I could see smoke so Kate and I dragged Mick, puking from the beating and too much beer, out the back door.

The cops showed up and the fire trucks but Burtons Bar and Grill and VCR Repair was no more.  The fire trucks were late.  They were supervising the township fireworks.  They had to cancel the fireworks to come and save the bar.

Mick was all right.  It took several minutes for him to really come to his senses.  Katie is doing the motherly thing and holding him in her lap and rubbing his forehead and cheeks as he lay sprawled out on the ground.  As he starts coming around he just starts laughing.  Katie still didn’t have a shirt on from when it was ripped off of her.  As Katie starts to realize that she was half naked, Mick starts to sing, “Your hands are cold but that’s ok ‘cause I’m so hot for you.  Bite me, baby, bite me baby, make me feel some pain.” 

Mick and Katie were happily married for 6 of 10 years.  Currently divorced and both living single, Katie is an exotic dancer in Detroit and Mick in is rehab somewhere in Florida.   And me?  I’m a head case, dead broke in Minnesota, playing a little base and drinking a little beer.

Rick

Minnesota

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