Memo to All Managers

To:       All Managers

From:   V.P. Of Operations

Subj:    New Training Programs.

Highly Confidential 

The training committee has developed two new programs that will help us develop our employees potential in the up coming year.   This program has been approved and is supported enthusiastically by the president of our fine company so I expect your compliance.

Program I.

Special Continuous Retraining and Education Work  (SCREW)

Summary:  

This program requires all managers to provide their employees with work that some may consider "beneath" them.  This training is designed to keep their skills sharp on our customer technologies that have been retired or obsolete.   Although these technologies are considered CRAP (Currently Retired Appliances or Parts) we must still continue to service this equipment and being SCREW’ed is a good way for your staff to retain their skills sets on CRAP.

Please note that SCREWing your employees is not an option but a requirement for your position as a manager.

Program II.

Special Human Interactive Training  (SHIT)

Summary

This program requires you, as the manager, to interact one on one with your employees, training them by example on the intricacies on human interaction.   Since our customers know us by our employees, we should always be working with our employees, giving them as much SHIT as possible, for their betterment and for the good of our company.

In general, when you see an employee that appears to have extra time on his or her hands, you should give them SHIT.  If you happen to meet one of your employees in a social environment, a minute or two of SHIT may be welcome.

Be especially aware of situations where a customer has written or called to complain about a particular employee.  This employee is a prime candidate for giving out as much SHIT as you can handle.

I understand that giving your employees SHIT may come natural to most of you, but for the rest, my sole advice is "Practice Makes Perfect", so if you need to, feel free to practice on your family members.

Note:  You may find that when giving some employees SHIT that they will give you SHIT right back    This is unacceptable and cannot be tolerated.   You should then SCREW them so that it is understood that you are the manager and not them.

Conclusion

More details on these programs will be forth coming.  Until then, please feel free to SCREW your employees and give them as much SHIT as possible.

  Harass Your Boss with This

[Editors Note:  Uncle Ralph found this memo he stole from the desk of a boss he once had years ago.  After reviewing it with several people that are actually employed, this MEMO is obviously still in effect.]

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Copyright September 2008 all rights reserved