Finally Caught

Back in the 70's, when you took your clothes off and ran somewhere it was called "Streaking".   Back in that time, most people were in too much shock to do anything about the disruption it had.

It's different today,  if you decide to strip naked and run through a public building, if people happen to stop laughing long enough at some "minor" part of your anatomy, your just as likely to be chased down put in jail for sport.

Take poor Billy Bob.   Just had his 50th birthday.   Feeling a bit on the short side of his life he decided relive a fond incident in his life and streak through the St. Mary's.   So donning a face mask and his trusty marathon running shoes he timed his fateful run at the height of Mass.  Much to his surprise, there was no shock, no outcries of horror at the running masked naked man.  No one even bothered looking.  Mass continued without so much as dropping a wafer.  This was disappointing to say the least.

So Billy Bob walks dejectedly back to his mid-life crises BMW still naked and just sits and ponders for a moment.  Perhaps if the Catholics wire not overly impressed with his manliness, the Pentecostals would be.   So he drove the next three blocks down to the Pentecostal church.

Inside there was a raucous singing as the members raised their hands to heaven an sang praises to God.   Billy Bob ran his fastest from the back of the church to the front and still not a shriek of horror at the middle aged body with a back covered in gray hair.   He was so amazed that no one expressed so much as a gasp that he turned around and faced the congregation with all his virtues fully displayed.  But the congregation was blind to site as they raised their hands and closed their eyes in praise song and prayer.

Again, disappointed, he moped back to his care, sat and pondered.    His next stop would have to be the Baptist Church.   If anyone could express outrage, shock and horror it has to be the Baptist.   So he drives the next 3 blocks to the 1st Baptist Church.

He peeks his head around the door of the sanctuary to hear the preacher giving a rousing sermon about evil running rampant in our society.   The preachers voice would raise and fall with a practiced precision that made the congregation sit in rapt attention.   Choosing his moment, Billy Bob rushed through the door and only lightly jogged to the front of the church.  The congregation was so focused on the words of the preacher that no one noticed.

Again completely flummoxed at his inability to even gather even the smallest amount of outrage, he stood before the pulpit and turned to face his would-be outraged congregation of church goers.   No one noticed.  The preacher continued on with his sermon as the people referenced their bibles to be sure what the preacher said was correct.

This was the ultimate humiliation.   Billy Bob stood before the church in little more that what God himself gave him and no one cared.   He just stood there.   A minute passes and then two.   What could he possibly do to awaken these people to his nakedness?   Then it hit him.   Slowly at first he began to dance.   Almost a waltz.  Then it built faster and faster until he could feel his youth returning in the gyrations of the 70's long gone.   Faster and Faster as meaningless motions, giggles and gyrations coursed through his naked body.

Suddenly people began to take notice.   It was almost an awakening.  The preacher stopped preaching and his jaw hung.  Old ladies gasped and turned their heads.   Teenage girls broke out in laughter and the men stood paralyzed in shock.  Finally this was what Billy Bob was looking for, attention.   He moment of glory only lasted a second though.  Someone from the congregation yelled out "HE'S DANCING"!  And then the chase was on.

Now Billy Bob had gotten into running many years ago and was in great shape for his age.  He led the people on quite the chase.  Around the pews, over the pews and even under the pews.  Everyone tried to capture him but since he didn't have any clothes no one could get a grip on him.

The chase could have gone on a much longer time.  Billy Bob was having the time of his Mid-life Crisis.   But he made a mistake.   He zigged when he should have zagged and was caught.   He had run all over the church and now they had him.  

The news paper headline told the rest of the story.

"Naked Man Finally Caught in Church by the Organ"

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Copyright September 2008 all rights reserved