Who Bard My Pickup Truck

Heidi y'all,

Hire yew?  Nuff small talk, I b tryin' to fijur out, who bard my pickup truck.  I went down to Jawjuh and when I come back, it twernt thar.  I saved for munts, well since the rainy season, to buy new mudflaps fer it, and now, I get the flaps, and no truck.  I was gonna track it from the all spots on the driveway, but the gravel got mussed.  I noticed going into town for a new can of Skoal, that there was my good tar on the side of the road, well, what's left of it, looks like an aligator now.  I was hoping that by now, I could be a retard personage.  Dang, ifuns I don't get my truck back, I gotta brewski somemore hooch.   I'm tarred, and just wanna kick back, and take my boots off and wiggle some of my toes. 

Well, I hope whoever took my truck is ready for a good fat, I'm plum riled and ready to do some bobbin' n weavin'.   Whoever thiefed it, had no rat to do that, they used to hang hoss thiefs.  He just might wake up did, ifuns I catch up withim.  Might make it look like an accident, and hang him on the wrong side of the bull pen, attached to the bob war.   I'll go into town and say to the sherrif, "jew here, the bull got my truck thiefer."   However, that sherrif's plum ignert, haze go no chance of catchin' a cotton pickin' chicken plucker, much less a grand larcener.   I seeded it thisaway, y'all just don't be thinkin' that youse can clean the coop and me not miss the chicks.  I might have to take this to a higher court, the gummit might hep.
 

Adios, Poncho Jim

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