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Sample New Trailer Letter
(Special Letter Number 2)
An
Uncle Ralph
Welcome to Your New Trailer Letter!
Dear
(Your Friends name here),
So you finally broke down and got yourself that new trailer
you always wanted. I don't know anyone who deserves it more.
Just remember, as you adapt to your new trailer trash
lifestyle, the trailer park manager will not allow you to park your Camaro on
the grass. Here are some other rules you need to know.
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No cars up on blocks for longer than three weeks.
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No changing your oil in the street.
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No loud and wild parties without inviting the manager.
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Beer can wind chimes can have only 6 cans - no more.
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Drunkenness will not be tolerated in the streets prior
to 10 am.
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While outside of your trailer you must be at least
partially clothed.
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If you prefer to clean your trailer in the nude, please
close the curtains. (Exemptions to rules 6 and 7 may be provided to
women between the ages of 18 and 35. Please submit a photograph to the
manager for approval.)
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When bringing in the Jerry Springer or COPS film crews,
please provide the management prior written notice so that certain residents
may be forewarned.
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Empty beer bottles should not be discarded on the front
lawn. However, they may remain there until you are sober enough to
collect them with the understanding you will collect them within 7 days
whether sober or not.
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When bringing dates home to your trailer, please be
advised that in the event the sidewalks need to be repaired or replaced due to
the weight of your date, you will be responsible for all cost incurred.
Following these simple rules should make your stay here in
our trailer park more enjoyable for everyone.
If you need further advice, please write to:
UncleRalph@AskUncleRalph.com
Uncle Ralph
The "Dear Abby" for
Trailer Trash.
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