Trailer Trash Advice

for the Week of

December-26, 2004

The Dog vs. Wife Debate Still Rages! 

Check out the updates.

Current score is Dog 32 - Wife 20

Updated 11-21-04

Merry Christmas!

Uncle Ralph in his new Buckhorn Beer Can Hat

Dear Readers,

Merry Christmas!  I couldn't help but lead this weeks advice column out with a picture of me in my new Buckhorn Beer hat.  My niece Maggie Sue from Texas made it for me.  This is me trying it on Christmas morning.   Dang!  I look good! 

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A White Trash Christmas

Dear Readers,

I had so many comments about the link A White Trash Christmas I put online last week that I decided to run it again.  A couple of people wrote in to ask if that was me playing the lead part.   Nope - sorry.  (Could be my dog though.)   It's not one of my productions but it;'s just to good not to tell everyone about.  

So be sure to see this short video: A White Trash Christmas.

Enjoy

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Skinny Women Over 20

Dear Uncle Ralph,

   Is it true that in some trailer parks they gots skinny women over the age of 20?  I heard about this before.  My friends here say its as true as every time they got abducted by aliens.  Have you ever seen one of them skinny girls that age?

 Jess Ahopen.

Dear Jess,

Yup.  It's true.   I've got the pictures to prove it.  I just can't put those types of pictures on line since I try to keep this site PG-13.   But trust me, there are some really skinnnnnnnnnny ones out there.  

In my trailer park there is one chick who's legs are skinner than a Buckhorn Beer can.  Her LISP (Living In Sin Partner) more than makes up for it since he is almost 300 pounds.   Now I've heard that this chick has been abducted by aliens 6 times already.   I suspect that the aliens can't believe a Trailer Trash Chick could be that skinny either so they keep taking her for medical experiments.  I can only hope that her old man will sober up long enough to knock her up so we can at least see her when she stands sideways.

[Editors Note:   We suspect the jury may still be out on if there are really Trailer Trash Skinny Chicks over the age of 20.   So we encourage you to send your pictures in to Uncle Ralph if you can prove it.  Send your pictures to SkinnyChicks@AskUncleRalph.com   Please bear in mind that since this is a scientificly controlled study, any unnecessary clothing may obscure the facts and therefore the results.]

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Getting Un-Degreed

Dear Uncle Ralph

I was refused admission to a trailer park because of my Harvard degree.  Even farting, belching, and scratching my [edited] didn't work.

So how does a poor boy like me get un-degreed?

JS
 

Dear JS,

You have sinned.  You off and went and got your self a degree, (from Harvard Even!) and now you want to try and live a better life.   Sorry, dude.   It just ain't that easy.  Had you told me your degree was from Kentucky State or Friends University of Central Kansas, it would have been much easier.

There is some hope, though.  You must prove you are sorry.  Former president Bill Clinton went to Yale.  There he was stripped of all his trailer trash roots.   I think he understood what he was missing, though, because he married Hillary.  This small act of contrition may have just saved his sole and shoved him squarely back into Trailer Trash Land.

So, although you can't get "un-degreed", you may be able to rectify the situation.   Find yourself a Hillary.  This may seem severe, but this one act of penance may just save you too. 

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What's On This Week On the Jerry Springer Show

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Note: Jerry Springer has not endorsed Uncle Ralph and is not affiliated in any way. 

But he should be.

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