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The "Dear Abby" For Trailer Trash A bit of humor for the way we live. |
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Trailer Trash Advice November 7, 2004 Get Naked
Dear Uncle Ralph,
Well i have this boy that use to like me but when
he wanted to go with me i said no because i was not sure if i wanted to be back
in a relationship him because i was about to get back with my ex boy friend so
now that i'm single i'm want to be with this boy that ask me to be his girl
friend but i'm being told that he says that he would not like to go with a girl
the third time so how do i now if he still wants to be still to go with me? Signed Model
Dear Model,
Huh? If I read your letter right, some dude liked you but you wanted someone else. Now that dude don't want you any more. Now you want to find out if he still wants you.
Ok. Here's what to do.
Get naked, call him on the phone, tell him you're naked and ask him if he still wants you.
If he says no then he's gay. See? Easy!
If the naked thing doesn't suit you then just go over and see him, tell him you think you love him, that you always loved him and you want no one else but him. That might work. But if I were a single guy I'd prefer the naked thing.
Am I My Daddy's Nephew?
Dear Uncle Ralph
I need your help. I have always been told I look like my Aunt Doreen, my daddys sister. I even have the same hairy mole on my right breast. I have thunk about this alot. Could it be possible that I am my daddys son and nephew?
Dear Roy Jr.
Yup. You just might be your Daddy's nephew. And Aunt Doreen may just be your Mama. That could also make you your bother's cousin. Now thunk on this: If you have a sister, she'd be your cousin. Ever hear of Kissing Cousins? What a great break! In some states it's even legal to marry your cousin. What broad dating opportunities you now have. Congratulations. Feel free to name your first born after me.
What Does "Chevy" Stand For?
Dear Uncle Ralph
Ya know, they say
Ford stands for "Found On Road
Dead". Signed, Fordman
Dear Fordman,
Well, ya got me. I've no idea what "Chevy" stands for. I do know though, that the "S" in the Chevy S10 truck stands for "Sissy". Some Chevy executive is probably still laughing at how they pulled that one over on so many people. At one time some people thought the "S" stood for "Stupid" but that was later disproved. It just happens to be a coincidence that so many "stupid" people drive a Chevy S10.
Hot Sauce and Trailer Trash Babes Dear Uncle Ralph, I got 2 things for you this time. First, I think them hot sauce sissies need a good trailer trash [deleted] whoopin. I used to be bad just so Mom would give me more hot sauce. I'm sure you remember my first BB gun incident and Aunt Sharleens rather large target(for a woman of her heft, she jumped pretty dang high). I wanted to go shooting at something I couldn't miss.... and get more hot sauce Second, we are having a Mrs. Trailer Trash Competition over here (South Korea). Women with big butts, small butts, no teeth, and some teeth are competing. I guarantee the winner is gonna be some chick with cut-off jeans and great big ol' floppy [deleted]. It'll be a hoot. You should come out and be the judge of honor. It's a 12 drink minimum event for the us judges and we'll be drinking the good stuff... Old Milwaukee. I'm definitely going to be a judge.
Waiting for the competition,
Dear Bo,
Thanks for the invite. But I don't think I'll be going to Korea any time soon. My wonderful wife doesn't like it much when I gawk at the babes on stage. Maybe you can just send me the pictures so I can put the contest results up on line. That would be a lot of fun.
[Editors Note: Boseefus is a genuine Uncle Ralph nephew service the Army in South Korea. The hot sauce article he refers to can no longer be found on the original website but referred to using hot sauce to punish kids for being bad.]
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