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The "Dear Abby" For Trailer Trash A bit of humor for the way we live. |
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Your Trailer Trash Friends Need Help. Tell A Friend about this site! |
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Can't Stand Her Kids
Uncle Ralph,
Dear Sam,
It looks like you're on the right track. You've got two things going for you: 1: you ain't married to the broad. 2:They're not your kids.
Since they're teenagers, you really can't throw them out. But, here's something you can try. While they're hogging the TV, plop yourself right down in front and watch with them. Then scratch your butt and fart really loud. Then make comments about the show they're watching and the chick on them - like "Those aren't real." This works best when their girlfriends are over. The idea is to be an obnoxious third wheel. With you sitting right in front of them it's hard to suck face. This has the added benefit of "Birth Control". However, if they choose to make out right in front of you, be sure to face them and stare. Take video if you can (be sure to send me a copy.) This way, maybe, just maybe, they'll decide to go to someone else's house for a while.
Now since I have a quest commentator this week, I put your question past Arnie. Click the speaker to hear what he said.
Ask Your Questions or Comment by Clicking Here
Preparing For Aunt Sharleen's Visit
Dear Uncle Ralph,
Every year about this time,
Aunt Sharleen flies south (she has to pay for two tickets) to vist my mom,
Bertha. Here's the problem. Every year after she leaves, Dad, my brother
Chuck, and I have to repair the structural integrity of the trailer.
Duct tape is getting expensive these days. How do you suggest we at least
re-inforce the floor and frame? Should we go steal an axle and set of wheels
off of some body in another trailer park and add it to ours? Could we duct
tape empties to the bottom and hope that all that extra metal will keep the
floor from caving in around the refrigerator where they tend to congregate?
We've already had to rebuild the deck twice and decided to use it as firewood
after the last falling out that happened on it. Could we make a new deck out
of old beds from pick up trucks? I'm getting tired of working construction
and need your advice.
What do you think?
Boseefus
Dear Bo,
My sister, your Aunt Sharleen, is bound to keep on flying down there. She has a pretty cool way of saving for the airplane tickets. She takes all her empty beer cans and throws them in the back yard and then collects them for the deposits so she can pay for the tickets.
This year she stacked them up in your cousin's room since she's now shacking up with some dude who ain't even got a tattoo yet.
Now you may not have know that your Aunt Sharleen has lost a lot of weight. She was actually able to wash her feet last month. Them hush puppies haven't seen a bar of soap in almost 13 years.
I suggest that you go ahead and re-enforce the frame with beer cans. Fill them up with sand first so they don't collapse. You could also move your refrigerator outside for the visit. You'd just have to be sure your Aunt Sharleen wears something more than that thing she laughingly calls a night gown before she goes out at night. You don't want your neighbors calling the cops again.
Lets see what Arnie has to say:
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Knocked Her Up
Dear Uncle Ralph,
My friend is in a bad place. he started going
out with a woman with a kid and now she's
knocked up with one of his but now he cant
stand her. They live in the same building cant avoid her he wants to do
the right thing but what is the right thing without hating himself or getting a
dirty beating from her relatives witch is at lest 30% of the town population.
Dear King Arliss,
Yup. See what too much Buckhorn beer will do for you. My first clue here was when you said they "live in the same building." Duh! A building ain't a trailer! If your friend moved to a trailer, he wouldn't have a problem. This is a normal thing in the trailer park.
I agree with you. He should run.
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A Special Thanks to Arnie, for his help this week.
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*Celebrity Voices Impersonated |
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Copyright September 2008 all rights reserved
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