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Uncle Ralph: The "Dear Abby" for white trash, trailer trash, redneck. free business cards, free beer

 

The "Dear Abby" For Trailer Trash

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Trailer Trash Advice

for the Week of

 

 

April 20, 2008

 

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 Visit the New Uncle Ralph Trailer Trash and

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Buy An Original Autographed Uncle Ralph Caricature

Note: This offer has expired.   Check out what else is weird on eBay

 

Dear Readers,

 

To help pay some recent medical bills, the nephews talked me into selling an autographed caricature of myself.   So I agreed and a friend of my Nephew Matt has put it on eBay for me.

 

This is a framed signed print caricature of me.   Check it out on eBay.  It would make a perfect gift for your trailer trash girlfriend.

 

Free Beer for Trailer Trash and Rednecks.  - Not really -

 

P.S.  By the way.  This is selling on "Weird eBay".  If you happen to find something else there, let me know.  I'd love to show everyone else.

 

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Why Do Farts Smell Worser Than Burps?

 

Dear Uncle Ralph,

 Why do farts stink worse than burps and how come chicks can't fart as good as us dude's?

Blown Away,
Boseefus

 

 

Dear Boseefus,

 

Why do farts stink worse than burps?  That's an easy one.   It's simple physiology actually.   You see, both farts and burps come from the same place.  Beer.  Now when you drink beer, (Buckhorn preferably) all those little bubble want to come back up.  Some of them escape the short route: back the way it came down.  But some of them have to travel a long way to eventually find the back door out.   This process can take at least a couple of hours and all that pushing an shoving through, and I'm trying to be delicate here, really, really raw sewage can make a bubble pretty stinky.  So when they eventually find their way back out, they can be pretty ripe.   The good news however, Buckhorn has found a way to clean them up really good before putting them back in the beer to start all over again.   (Come to think of it, that may be why we burp.  Once a bubble has been cycled through once, now they know the shortcut.

 

As for your question as to why chicks can't fart as good as dudes:  chicks don't fart.  They panty fluff.   But having said that, it kinda reminds me of a couple of tents that I have.  I discovered that if you put a big tent and a small tent side by side in the wind, the big tent will fluff a lot louder.

 

 

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Too Old To French Kiss

 

Dear Uncle Ralph,

 

My Momma says I'm too old to be french kiss'n my Daddy.  But my Daddy says I ain't.  Who's correct?

 

Marla June

 

 

Dear Marla June,

 

Well, you didn't tell me how old you are.    If'n you 30 then it should be alright.   But if'n you be more than 50 I'd say you'd better stop.  Dang, girl!  Your daddy would have to be at least 63.  You trying to give him a heart attack?

 

Free Beer for Trailer Trash and Rednecks.  - Not really -

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Visit Uncle Ralph's Dating Help Page

 


 

Confidentially Speaking

Too Hot To Print The Letter


To "Cry~n & Try~n":  Perhaps you should try a little less and just put things aside for a while.  He'll get over it.

 

To Mary Sue:  Often we find ourselves that way.  But give it a week and if it doesn't clear up, see a doctor.

 

To "The One":  Ok, what ever.

 

To Cutie:   No, you can't get knocked up by a Doberman.    But please keep away from the Great Danes.

 

To Terry Wrist:   No wonder you can't get in an airport.

 

To Mighty Betty:  Thanks for the picture.  There's another one I have to hide from my beautiful wife of 27 years.

 

Uncle Ralph

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This Weeks Joke

Or Is It?

 

A Great Trailer Trash Save

Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whisky, they talk about their dream trailers.


Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back t o the bar.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'


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Uncle Ralph.  The "Dear Abby" for trailer Trash and Rednecks.

 

 

 

 

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