Uncle Ralph The Actor, Daddy Was A Nose Picker, Update on Carrie, Sand Art, Circumcised

Dear Readers,

As promised, I was able to get hold of one of the videos showing me acting for a church Christmas Eve play. Now I have to put it in context or you won't understand it. I play Joseph. The play is about what it would have been like if anyone told God "no". Each of the actors for Joseph, Mary, the shepherds and three wise men were each video tapped telling God "No" and why they didn't want anything to do with God's plan. Then during the Christmas eve drama, they would play the video on the big screen in the front of the church and then each actor would act out saying "Yes" to God. I have to say, I make a good Joseph.

So in this video, the angle appears to Joseph in a dream and tells him that Mary is preggers. Joseph then decided to dump Mary. Click Here to see the video. As soon as I can get my hands on the other video of the second Christmas play I was in, I'll post it.

For those of you interested, my beautiful (Miss Bangor 1980) wife of 26 years is finally out of the hospital and doing well. She even made it to church today. That made Preacher happy. Thank you to those of you who dropped notes and dropped by. It meant a lot to both of us. Nephew Brad, his lovely wife and son were able to fly up to see her. I got to play with my grand nephew, who learned to crawl while he was here: I'm gonna take credit for that (Grin).

Now, on to some great "Dear Abby" trailer trash type advice.

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Dear Readers,

If you remember, I met Carrie when I was invited to a Halloween party in Troy Michigan. They were doing a "Trailer Trash" theme so they invited me to the party.

True trailer trash, everyone of them.

But Carrie is a special case. Carrie was knocked up. Here fiancé, Billy, was already drunk by the time I showed up at around 10 am that morning. Carrie was also well on her way to "blotto".

Well, a couple of her friends she works with called me. Carrie had her baby. Now you might think: "That's Great!" but wait... Turns out Billy ain't the father he thought he was. They knew that right away because... well... Billy ain't black.

Now Billy was so upset he left the hospital and hit the nearest bar, and being Billy, drunk himself stupid. I'm being told that Billy is one of them "Crying, Slobbering" drunks. (Dang! I hate that!) Then Billing gets arrested!

Did you know you can be arrested for drunk driving on a bicycle? Yup, you can! Better yet, he was busted on his sisters' old pink kids bike. I can picture it now, Billy, slobbering drunk, driving his sister's pink bike, complete with a banana seat, high rise handle bars and a white wicker basket, peddling as fast as his legs would go, trying to outrun the cops. I would ask the cops what happened but me and the Troy cops ain't getting along so well these days. This was all before Christmas and he's still in there.

Apparently, Carrie has no idea who the father is. Right up to that point she swore that Billy was. But I guess she's over it already.

Now you'd think that would be pretty much the end of the story. Nope. When I first put Carrie's picture on line, I received several emails from people that wanted to meet her. Now I don't fix people up but I passed the emails on to her. That was before the baby was born on December the 22nd. It seems that from those emails, she found a new man. Yup, a week after she had a baby boy, she's hooked up with a new man. We'll call this one "Texas". I also understand that Texas is flying up to meet her in person this weekend.

I'll keep you informed as to how things go.

My brother is a nose picker. Now I know everyone picks their nose sometimes but he's a real digger. My mom took us to one of the Arby's restaurants and he spent almost the whole time with his finger up his nose. Then if he finds something he wipes in on his jeans. I think it's gross but Mom says his dad was a picker too so what should I expect.

Well it doesn't sound like his daddy is around anymore to teach him proper. It just ain't right to be wiping buggers on your jeans. Geeze! After a couple of months those jeans can get pretty crusty. So I suggest you quietly take him aside and show him how to flick 'em.

Oooooo! I like that a lot. It made me want to get all snuggly with my beautiful wife of 26 years. (and I did too).

This Weeks Joke

Or Is It?

Circumcised

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it.

He did and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his "private part" hanging out.

"I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said.

"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."

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