Eggs or Smokes?, You're Cheating On Your Husband, Looking For A Car Stereo

Trailer Trash Advice

for the Week of

March 2, 2008

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Dear Uncle Ralph,

I've got a question. My mom likes to eat eggs. I like mean a lot of eggs. The problem is they make her fart. Sometimes when I get home from school I think that if I lit up a smoke the whole trailer would blow up. Once when I brought my boyfriend home from school it smelt so bad that that my boyfriend was gonna gag. He was cool though. He didn't say anything until Mom ripped a loud one while we were all watching Opera. All he said was "That was a wet one." It really did sound like a wet one. My BF is so cool.

My question is this: If my trailer park won't let us raise chickens in our back shed, is there a way to get them cheaper than the store? Crap, half our money goes to eggs and I really need a smoke.

What can I do?

Regina

Dear Regina,

Why yes there is a place to get them cheaper. My brother Jim sells eggs right off his front porch. He and his lovely princess (and far younger) bride raise chickens and ducks and horses and goats and ... well a lot of sh-tuff. They gather the eggs daily and put them out on the front porch in a little fridge. People put their money in a little coffee can and they use all they money to buy guns and ammo to go out and kill little furry woodland creatures.

So if you happen to live around Bangor Michigan, be sure to stop in and grab a few eggs. And while your there stop in and check out their authentic out house. It's a two holer. I try to use it whenever I'm over there.

If you don't happen to live near the trailer trash capitol of Michigan, take a ride out in the country. ( That's where they keep most chickens these days.) You're sure to find someone just like my brother and his much younger princess, Annabelle selling eggs.

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P.S. Oh, yeah. I almost forgot. Stop smoking. With all that methane in your trailer you just might actually blow it up.

I have a burning question on my mind! Hoping You can help me! Here goes_ Ok, I am married but I recently started seeing a male friend who I had lost touch with for a few years and have now been talking to and seeing for the last seven months. Well the first time we saw each other He just made me feel like a new woman. He flirted with me and commented on me, and just gave my self esteem a huge boost. It just brought back memories of old times and still just makes me feel great every time I talk or see him. We have not, nor do I intend to have sex. But we have kissed and shared some intimate moments. When I am with him I just forget all about my somewhat boring husband, and my two kids. He just makes me feel like I should be treated! I don't even know how to explain it all. Anyways, the real question is Do You think this is really considered as cheating on my Husband or not? I just keep telling myself it is just me getting to have a good time and making myself feel better. Hell, after all I am a very good mother, and wife most all the time. A woman deserves a little break sometimes to keep her sane! Right???!!!! Please email me back your and anyone else's response or opinions. I want total honesty even if it hurts me!

Just because you haven't had sex (yet) doesn't mean you're not cheating on your husband. So what if this dude make you feel good? You made a commitment to "love and cherish" your husband. - Even if he is "boring".

What you are doing now is what can be call an "emotional affair". You may not be having sex (yet) but your giving your emotions and intimacy to some other dude. You are risking loosing everything because some guy from your past is paying you some attention.

I suggest you start paying attention to your own man. Start by rekindling the love and respect you owe him by virtue of your marriage promise to him. Perhaps you can influence you husband to be less "boring" by making yourself more exciting to him.

Readers: Since Jenna asked for "anyone else's" comments, feel free to comment and I will post them here. You can add comments here .

Well, this is an advice column. You know, love, life, how to suck face with a chick... You know: that type of thing. But I did look and I found it right in Uncle Ralph's Store. Check it out here

Confidentially Speaking

Too Hot To Print The Letter

To Michelle: You can try wearing one but I think you'd chafe a bit when you had to run to the toilet.

To Justin: Don't dump her. If she really looks like the picture you sent me you at least won't have to worry about getting teeth marks.

To Ms. Tolly: If he can't, just slip a little whisky in his coffee and do it your self.

To Long Winded: Time to move on, dude. There's no law that says she has to do that but it really is expected.

To Husky: A couple of pounds won't make a difference. But 381 pounds will.

Uncle Ralph

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This Weeks Joke

Or Is It?

Like a New Baby

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement trailer park were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."

"Really? Like a newborn baby!?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

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