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Trailer Trash Advice

for the Week of

March-22-09

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Redneck Fishing

 

Hey Uncle Ralph,

 

I got a question.   My cousin, (don't print his real name but it's Skeeter) and me used to go fishing a lot.  I got the boat he got the dynamite.   We used to catch so much fish!  WOOOooo Doggie!

 

But now Skeeter done got him self a job as one of them there sheriff deputies.   He says it's ill eagle for me to go fishing and won't go with me any more.  He even got mad at me and told me he was gonna arrest me.   Now I ain't saying nuttin but I done seen this boy poop in the woods, ain't no way he's gonna arrest me. Know what I'm say'n?  

 

He one time got so mad at me for goin fishing that he shot my boat 6 times once when I got back.  You know how much duck tape it takes to fix holes like that?  A lot!  

 

I even went and had a talk with our preacher.   Preacher agrees with me that this boy needs Jesus!   It ain't against the law to go fishing!

 

So Unc, my question is, if'n I took a job as a deputy, do you think Skeeter would go fishing with me again?  Shoot.  I need somebody to go with, I'm running out of dynamite.

 

Wally

 

 

Dear Wally,

 

You sound like a really down home decent dude.   Don't go and be a deputy.   That would make you mean just like your cousin.   Instead, haul his but down to see your preacher.   Jesus used to go fishing.   Maybe, just maybe, he'll come to his senses.

 

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How to Know If A Man Loves You

 

[Editors Note: This email came in from How to Know If A Man Loves You]

howtoknow: I'm a man (obviously) no disrespect if that sounds mean and Im in LOVE with my girlfriend. At the same time I wonder if she ever thinks how much I love her. Signs that men give a girl when they truely love them is they are always talking to their girlfiends on the phone. Also they rarely talk to their female friends because they feel their girlfriends may get jealous and to a real boyfriend jealousy is just another way of feeling hurt because you( the girlfriend) thinks your man might have feelings for another girl.

 

Another way to know your man loves you is if he Is always around you this shows that he'd rather spend his time with you. One of the most common ways to know if your man really loves you is if he sais he loves you many times in one day.

 

A really good way to find out if your man loves you is if another man is trying to hit on you and your man shows signs of jealousy but please ladies don't flirt back because its very painful to the man you love, also he may lose slot of trust in you and if you truely love him dont do that.

 

All these advises I'm giving you are because I've experienced them every time my girlfriends male friends try to hit on her it hurts me slot but good thing she doesn't flirt back. I apreciate those that read this comment and another advice if your single looking for that special someone, than stop looking for the gangsters and thugs their just gonna play you I use to be one untill I went to church and became a real man I'm not trying to sound concieded or nothing. Anyways look for the guys that enjoy going to school and that are actually trying to make a living with themselves and you.

 

Thank you
babii LOVES princessa

 

 

Dear Babii Loves,

 

Uh, Ok.  Consider it said.

 

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Is He In Love With Me


Dear Uncle Ralph,

 

question: I have been seeing this guy for a little more than a month now.  He s 30 and I am 23. We didn't talk much but we have been acquaintances for 7 months now. I have completely fallen for him and I have noticed some changes in his behaviour since the past few days. Does that mean something?  He has started talking about me much more than he used to. Is concerned about how I am doing and wants me to do good in my studies, so keeps telling me to go for it. He s from the same educational background and just got a very good job.  I used to think it could just be about the sex but I was surprised when one day he said he really really wanted to c me. I assumed he was just horny. But instead we went for a movie and he later just dropped me home after making out a little in his car.  He asked me to send him my picture. When I asked him why he said he just wants to keep it and asked me if that was too complicated.  he kissed me on the forehead for the first time (many times) the same day he asked me for my pic. Same day he sent me a very romantic song and asked me if I liked it.  We were at his place and he went in the patio to smoke. I went out with him barefoot and it was very cold but I said I wasn't cold. next time he went to smoke he said if u want to come u have to wear my shoes. It hurts me to c u go like that. he also got me his jacket to wear while he himself was just in his shirt. This could be called typically flirty behaviour too but he never did all of it before now and its not that he wants something more from me because we are already sleeping together.He has been working like crazy these days as he just got a job and wants to prove his worth. So he s at work sometimes from 9 in th morning to 2-3 at night and after that he still wants to c me. I again thought it was just about the sex but I went with him to his place after his crazy day at work and we just talked from 3 am to 6 am even though I had made some advances much before that. We eventually did it and then afterwards when we were ready to sleep at 7 am  (had to get up at 10) he said he was really sorry he couldn't stay up anymore.  Could any of these things mean that he might also be falling for me the way I have fallen for him?

being_patient

 

 

Dear Being Patient,

 

For some reason this became the week for love questions.   Yup.  I'd say you caught the guy.  Now can you reel him in?

 

Good luck.  Any dude that that wants your pic and will stay up to talk till 6 am before nailing you must be in love.
 

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Confidentially Speaking

Too Hot To Print The Letter


To Wally:   No I can't sell you dynamite.

 

To the Chick that cut my hair:  Yup.  It really is me.

 

To Lusty Busty:   If you would have at least put on clean underwear, the picture would have looked better.  Geeeze!

 

Uncle Ralph

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Chinese Sick Leave

 

Long Duk Dong calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.'

The boss John says, 'You know something, Long Duk, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex.  That makes everything better and I go to work.  You try that.'

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what You say boss,  and I feel Great.   I be at work soon.........You got nice house'

 

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