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Uncle Ralph,
My control freak Mom wants me to go with her
to Kalamazoo for vacation. Heck, I don't even know if the place HAS a
Zoo...I'd rather stay in Texas and work for my uncle, since my Mom makes me pay
for everything anyway? Half the time, she takes my paychecks, and says I
owe her for stuff like my share of the cable bill. Any advice?
Andrew
Dear Andrew,
I've been to Kalamazoo. It's nice. My sister
actually worked for drug company there at one time. The cops said it
wasn't a "real" drug company, but at least she had a job. Upjohn,
the famous drug company, used to be there until they got bought out by some
other drug company. I heard that they were going to keep the name
"Upjohn" but decided they had to change when they started making ED drugs.
I've no idea why.
My nephew, Matt, has a girlfriend that goes to Western
Michigan University there in Kalamazoo. Don't ask me how he got hooked up
with a smart chick, but he did. You know, I think she's the first
girlfriend that doesn't even have any tattoos. It's a weird world I know,
but there's always hope.
They used to make Gibson guitars and Checker Cabs there.
Then the democrats chased them out so now Gibson is in Tennessee and Checker
went out of business. Stupid democrats.
Another famous fact about Kalamazoo is that Elvis lives there.
Yep, Elvis! He works at one of the McDonalds there. I
saw him once when I was in South Haven, just west of Kalamazoo, for the 4th of
July fireworks. He's cool.
As for a Zoo? Don't know. I do know however,
that they got a decent bus system that can get you from bar to bar.
So my advice is to go. Have a good time.
Tell them "Uncle Ralph sent me." Unless it's a cop. I think
the warrant has expired but why take a chance?
Uncle Ralph
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