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The "Dear Abby" For Trailer Trash A bit of humor for the way we live. |
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Send This To A Friend (Or Some Jerk) Your Trailer Trash Friends Need Help. |
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Get In Touch With Your Feminine Side Uncle Ralph!
What is wrong with you???!!!
I just read last weeks letter on how to seduce women. My dad told me about it when I was 17 so I ain't never fell for that. But I can't believe the that you tell other people how to do it. All you men are disgusting. I think you need to get in touch with your feminine side and then quit trying to take advantage of women.
Sheila in WA
Dear Sheila in WA,
If I had a feminine side, I'd be touching all day long!
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Who's Fault Is This?
Dear Uncle Ralph,
I ain't no trailer trash but my wife agreed to what ever you say about this.
Our toilet ain't worked for 6 months. I don't see no reason to fix it when we got a outside outhouse. It works just fine and my wife ain't got to clean it so it's a win-win situation.
No the problem is, her mother fell through the floor 3 days ago and my wife says it's my fault because I ain't put new floor boards in. I say it's her fault because she's so fat because my wife feeds her all our food.
So here's where you come in. Who should help her get out of the hole? Me because it's my fault or my wife because it's her fault?
Please hurry with your answer because I'm getting tired of hearing my mother in-law yelling "Help me! Help me you S.O.B! I'm gonna kill you!" and all that kinda crap. I ain't getting much sleep because of it.
Methane Max Texas
Dear Methane,
Wow! Tough call. My first reaction is that you should let her out. But you know when you do she is going to kick your butt. But on the other hand, everyone knows you shouldn't feed a mother in-law that much. Makes 'em mean.
And as much as you might want to, you just can't fill the hole up with a backhoe. That would be bad.
So after considering it for a while over a couple of Buckhorn beers, I think I have your answer. The two of you should do this together because it's both your fault. Go out and get her a 5th of Jack. Then get a big rope or chain and have her tie it around her under her arms. Then tell her to drink the entire 5th. When she passes out, she will be really relaxed. Then you can back your truck up, tie the rope to it and pull her out. It will kinda look like a slug plopping out or something but don't worry about it.
Now while she is still sleeping, you can hose her down.
Then run like hell.
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To Charge Brother Or Not Dear Uncle Ralph,
I don't know what to do here. My brother keeps asking me for a lap dance. Should I charge him my normal fee or should I give it to him for free because he's my brother.
Rita Jean
Dear Rita Jean,
The standard rule of thumb is, if he's older, you charge him. If he younger, he gets it free.
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