Should I Adopt A Kid?

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Taking Grandma's Keys Away

Dear Uncle Ralph,

My Grandma plays Bingo every night down at the 'ol Lady Hall. She's spending all my inheritance and I'm afraid that she is loosing the trailer I want to move into when she dies. My question is, should I take her keys away so she can't go there anymore? But then if I take her keys away then who's gonna buy me beer? She's already 52 years old so she can't be expected to keep driving forever.

Josh

16 - Alabama

Dear Josh,

I hate to break it to you but 52 ain't old. Heck, I'm almost 50 and I still get punks like you writing me for advice. And after Rodger's letter above I'm even considering getting a job as a milkman. So you see there's still a lot of action at 50.

Let your Grandma have her fun. As long as she keeps buying you beer, who cares?!! (Just be sure it's Buckhorn Beer.)

And another thing, you can expect your Grandma to live until at least 74 so that means you won't be taking over her trailer until your almost 40. So just kick back and relax. Eat some chips and Tabasco (one of my favorites) and just hold out till your 18 when you can check in with the welfare people. Then you can get your own trailer.

Uncle Ralph

Going Out With My Cousin

Dear Uncle Ralph,

My cousin keeps hitting on me. He says stuff like "You're so pretty." and "Will you go out with me?" and "Can I show you how the French Kiss?" I want to go with him cause he's got a lot of money and a real nice 4 wheel drive Ford truck. He even graduated High School so he's really smart.

My mom says I can't cause the law won't let us because our babies will have two heads and stuff. But I think she won't let me see him because his daddy is the same as my daddy and she don't like his daddy because he divorced her a couple years back and kept the dog and the bar they owned.

What should I do? He says he can date me behind the old Jr. High Schools that's being torn down so nobody will know and he won't have to go to jail. Do you think that would be alright?

Shelly.

12 - Arkansas

Dear Shelly,

Wow. On this one, I'd have to say to listen to your Mom. You should keep away from your cousin. You will end up with babies with two heads, no teeth and beer bellies and he'll go to jail anyway.

And at 12, you shouldn't be learning how "The French Kiss". Save that until you're 13.

Uncle Ralph

Visit Uncle Ralph's Dating Help Page

Confused

More Jokes

A trailer trash dude rides up to a bar on his Harley, goes inside and orders a drink.

He's just about got the glass of whiskey to his lips, when a guy comes running up to the door, and yells "Hey Joe! Your house is burnin!"

The man leaps up, runs out and jumps on his Harley just as he thinks "Hey, I don't have a house."

He goes back in and sits down, and raises the glass to his lips again. Just then a man comes running up to the door and yells, "Hey Joe! Your dad has died!"

So he leaps up, runs out, gets on his motorcycle and starts to head down the street when he thinks, "Wait a minute ... my dad died years ago."

He goes back to the bar, and sure enough, he's just about to take a sip of his whiskey when another guys runs up. "Joe! Congratulations! You've won the lottery! There's a pile of money waiting for you down at the post office!"

The dude gets up, jumps on his Harley, and starts flying towards the post office. He almost gets there when he thinks, "Hey, wait a minute. My name ain't Joe..."

More Jokes

The New Diet