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Uncle Ralph Gets Email From Nigeria

Please Sir,

I am 29 yrs yet no serious relationship, Men admire but yet nothing comes out of it.

Onyinyechi

Dear Onyinyechi,

"Sir"? It's been a long time since anyone called me 'Sir'. Kinda freaked me out. So I looked up where you came from and see that you're from Nigeria. Yours is the first letter I've ever received from Nigeria and I actually have some good friends from Nigeria (Southern Nigeria in case you care) living in the states.

I really no idea on how to advise you since I don't think they even have trailers in Nigeria. I give advice to trailer trash (and some trashy suburbanites) so I'm kinda at a loss as to what to say.

But if you lived here in the states, I'd suggest that you find the man you want and go after him. Just be sure he ain't married first. Maybe if you send me your picture to UncleRalph@AskUncleRalph.com along with your return email, I can put it online and you can get some American admirers.

If any one else is reading this and has a comment or suggestion, please send it in.

Uncle Ralph

A Letter From Saudi Arabia

Dear Uncle Ralph

I want to know if my man loves me or not...he wants me to see me once a week and very sweet to me but I never heard that he say I love you to me. Am I having a relationship with a jerk?

Thanks
Gracey

Dear Gracey,

Wow. Another letter from outside the U.S. Must be the world is discovering "Uncle Ralph". I can see you live in Saudi Arabia. Nice to hear from you.

Now I don't want to be accused of starting an international incident because, well, I really need your oil for my new Camaro, so I want to be careful about what I say. So here goes...

In America, if a dude really loves you he'll tell you so. Or show you. Sometimes he'll tell you and show you. But if he can't tell you or show you then he's a jerk. Dump him.

Uncle Ralph

Visit Uncle Ralph's Dating Help Page

Why Rednecks Get Shot

More Jokes

At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him.

"Well," Bubba began, "We wuz havin' a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, Ya'll wanna go hunt'n?'"

"And then what happened?" the officer interrupted.

"From what I remember," Bubba said, "I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm game.'"

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The New Diet