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Dear Uncle Ralph,
My uncle lives with us in our trailer.
He's not really my uncle but that's what we call him. He's cool but I
think my mom likes him. Him, my Dad and my Mom spend a lot of time
in the back bedroom talking. They won't tell me what they're talking
about but I think they're really lifting my dads weights because I can hear them
lifting them and when they come out they're all sweaty. Then they
drink a lot of beer.
I asked my Mom if Uncle Mike could drive me to
my Jr. High School but she says no. She said that he used to date
Miss Dunham, our
security officer, and that she won't let him anywhere around the school any
more. She said there is a "staining order" on him.
Uncle Ralph, I ain't never see a stain on my
uncle. He takes lots of showers and is really clean. I like
when he takes me places cause he kisses me real good and I like that and his
beard tickles. Do you think if I talk to Miss Dunham and tell her he
ain't got no stains, that she'll let him take me to school?
Missy
Dear Missy,
I don't think your uncle will be taking you to school any time
soon. You see, it's not a "staining order" it's a "Restraining
order". That's a bad thing. That mean's if your uncle drives
you to school, a judge will throw him in jail where really big guys with bad
breath will want to kiss him "real good" too. And really big dudes
with bad breath ain't good either. (BTW: let that be a lesson to you -
Brush your
teeth so you don't get bad breath.)
But just for grins, you may want to ask one of your teachers
to see if she can help because your uncle "kisses real good" and you like that.
Be sure you only tell a chick teacher because she's a chick and she'll
understand what to do.
Uncle Ralph
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