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I Have A Feeling

Dear Uncle Ralph,

I have a feeling, or it just might be me, that its something I should know but he wont tell me about him and his baby's mother. What should I look out for?

Help. He's secretive when it comes to her.

Britt

Dear Britt,

There's a lot you didn't tell me. Like: Are you married? Are you living in the same trailer? Are you dating? or even: Who are you to this dude?

So here are some answers. You choose the one that fits you.

If your his wife: Try and get the kid in your life as much as possible. He's the father of a baby. You need to support him in that.
If your his girlfriend: Be careful. You may be stepping into something you won't like in the long run. If you stick with him you'll still have to support him and the baby. Remember, what ever baggage either of you have, you'll be bringing it into your relationship.
If you're his Mom: Let it go. He has to deal with it. Enjoy your grandbaby.
If you're a stalker: Get a life. He ain't gonna tell you crap and you don't need to know.
If you're his boyfriend: Don't be stupid. He's not gay.

Uncle Ralph

My First Video

Dear Readers,

I've had so much fun with my new Christmas toy that I turned it into a video. This is my very first video that I put together with the help of nephew Matt.

Enjoy

Uncle Ralph

Visit Uncle Ralph's Dating Help Page

The Stress Diet

More Jokes

This is a specially formulated diet designed to help people cope with the stress that builds up during the day.

Breakfast:
1 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
1 cup skim milk

Lunch:
Small portion lean, steamed chicken
1 cup of spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Hershey’s Kiss

Afternoon Break:
The rest of the Kisses in the bag
1 tub of Hagen Daas Ice Cream with chocolate chip topping

Dinner:
4 bottles of wine (red or white)
2 loaves of garlic bread
1 family-size Supreme pizza
3 Snickers bars

Late Night Snack:
Whole frozen Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)

Diet rules:

1. If no one sees you eat something, it has no calories.

2. When drinking a Diet Coke with a chocolate bar, the Diet Coke cancels out the sugar in the chocolate bar.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you do not eat more than they do.

4. Food used for medicinal purposes does not count (for example, hot chocolate, toast, cheesecake, and vodka.)

5. If you fatten up the people around you, you are automatically thinner by comparison.

6. Movie theater foods have a zero calorie count as they are part of the entertainment package and not counted as food intake. This includes popcorn, Snow Caps, and ice cream.

7. Cookie pieces have no calories because breaking the cookies up causes calorie leakage.

8. Foods licked from spoons and forks have no fat if you are in the process of cooking something.

9. Anything eaten while standing has no calories due to gravity and the density of the calorie mass.

10. Food consumed from someone else’s plate has no fat as it rightfully belongs to the other person and will cling to his or her plate.

Always remember: STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.

More Jokes

The New Diet