What Happened to Buckhorn Beer?

Dear Tony,

I’m sad to say that Buckhorn Beer is harder and harder to find.  At one time you COULD get 12 pack for about $2.50.  Now, because of the influence of the Trailer Trash Hating Republican controller congress, Buckhorn is much more scarce.  This has driven the cost for a 12 pack WAY UP to almost $3.00 when you can find it.  Sometimes I have to have my Buckhorn smuggled in from Grand Rapids but since it’s getting harder to get I may have to move up to one of the more expensive, snobby  type beers like Pabst Blue Ribbon (PBR).  I almost hate to have people see me drinking it since they might think I’m “putting on airs” when  I’m really just a simple man trying to help out his fellow trailer trash.

You can read more about what happened to Buckhorn Beer here: http://www.askuncleralph.com/archive/Nov-1-2002.htm

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Jim Bob Loves His Trailer Queen

Dear Uncle Ralph,

Jim Bob here I have a problem that you could help me with .
I have this konck out Trailer Queen named Sally Jane .
The problem is that all thease dudes keep sniffing around
my sweet Sally . How do I keep them away with out getting
teeth in my knuckles and spending nights in the pookey.

Jim Bob

Dear Jim Bob,

Dude!  I can relate to your problem.  I had some sucker sniffin around my beauty queen of 22 years once.  I told the dude to back off.  When he didn’t they had to peel his lips off my knuckles.  Fortunately for me, the sheriff knew me and understood when I told him the dude slipped and fell on my fist.

But now I am the most non-violent person I know.  I would never suggest that you warn the dude once and if he keeps up beat him anyhow even if you may end up in jail.  And I would never suggest that you flatten the tires on his car or bust out his windows.   Of course I would never recommend that you pay some other dudes to kick his butt for you or that you secretly send him a keg of beer  and wait until he’s passed out to shave a streak down the middle of his head and then use a red permanent maker to fill in the blank and then write “Stay away from my chick” on his face. 

No I never suggest settling things with violence.  So just explain to the dude that you love your queen and please leave her alone.  I’m sure he’ll understand how you feel and then leave your queen alone.

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John Candy

Dear Uncle Ralph,

hey, what do you know about John Candy?

Signed

Master B

Dear Master,

I know 3 things.

1)       He was big

2)       He was funny

3)       Now he’s dead

Let that be a lesson to you.

I hope that helps.

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 Is Linden a Sissy?

Unkl Ralf,

If I driv a Chevy truk, do that make me a sissy?

Linden

Dear Linden,

Yes.

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