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The "Dear Abby" For Trailer Trash A bit of humor for the way we live. |
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Peaceful Moments
Dear Readers,
Did you ever have one of those days when everything was just right in the world? You know, one of those days when God seems to be smiling down on you in spite of yourself? Today is one of those days for me. All morning long now I’ve had a Neil Diamond song running through my head: Cracklin’ Rose. I could get used to being at peace with the world.
It may be just because I was in bed early at 10 pm. Or perhaps because I didn’t hit the Buckhorn last night and now I’m not fighting a hangover. Or maybe just because the sun is shinning and I’ve had my pot of coffee already. It doesn’t matter. I’m at peace. I’m rested and happy to be alive. I hope you feel the same way today.
This morning I and my beautiful, talented and wonderful wife of 22 years, got up early so I could pack her up in the Camaro and drive her an hour to Lansing Michigan. She is on her way to Wisconsin for an American Baptist Woman’s convention. I had to take her to meet up with some friends so they could drive the 8 hours from there. I hadn’t met these friends before, but when I drove up I was very pleased to see that they lived in a trailer. Yup, my kind of people.
I’m going to use this opportunity of bachelorhood to take the nephews camping this week. It should be a great time if the nephews can stay sober enough to enjoy the outdoors. Before I leave and since my wife ain’t home, I think I’ll also take the opportunity to buy a case of the good beer: Bud Light.
So I won’t be checking email this week. Those of you ordering your free Uncle Ralph business cards. (http://www.askuncleralph.com/Business_cards.htm) you’ll have to wait a week for me to get them out. We should be back in time to get next weeks column up.
Speaking of the nephews, they want me to mention their new website going on line. It’s www.FreeBandSpace.com. The idea for this site is to provide Internet space and hosting in exchange for artist posting their original music on line. This music will be available for downloads so you can burn your own CDs. With the crackdown of the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) on file sharing they want to be sure that any artist who want their music shared can. So far they have one artist, Bill Johnson, that has provided some New Age music. Since all I’ve ever known all my life is Eagles and Lynard Skynard, his music is very nice even if I do say so my self. Check him out here: http://www.freebandspace.com/NewAge/NewAge.htm He has provided 2 songs available for download.
Hopefully soon, they’ll be able to post the music of the Full Sail Band. Country Rock. One of the members is a good friend of mine and has written some really good music.
Coming soon they’ll have a newsletter to keep you informed when new artist and bands come on line. Look for it.
If you have a band or know someone with original music that you would like to be sure that their music is available for download, www.FreeBandSpace.com will provide as much hosting space as you need as well as a free email so that fans can contact you. Be sure to check them out.
Thanks Everyone. And may you also be at peace
Why is Brother Weird?
Dear Uncle Ralph,
Brookles
Dear Brookles,
I don’t know for sure but I bet that the reason your brother is weird is because weirdness runs in families. That’s right. If your brother is weird there is an excellent chance that you are weird also.
Don’t let that bother you though. Many people in the trailer trash community are considered weird. Some people even consider me weird. I think that is strange since I would consider myself just normal trailer trash. It really is ok, though. Being weird just means your different. Being different is good. Do you really want to be just like everyone else? I’m proud to be different. Even my Mama is proud that I’m different. I remember her bragging to neighbors that I was different. Preacher even once told me I was different.
So since I’m proud to be who I am, I’m proud to be different. Once you accept the fact that you are different, you can really begin to enjoy life. You can have long conversations with yourself – out loud – and people really don’t mind. They just say “He’s/She’s ok. They’re just different.”
Why Do Men Lie?
Dear uncle Ralph
Chris
Dear Chris,
Men don’t lie. I myself am a man’s man. I never lie. None of the men I know ever lie either.
Since I work for the CIA part time, I have access to all the technical gadgets that can tell if someone is lying. So while I was serving our country as a spy on the international space station, I had enough time to study men to see if they ever lie. I ran test after test and could never find a case of a man lying. It just wasn’t there.
I mentioned this to the president of the United States when I had one of our monthly dinners together (I advice him on Iraq) and he found that very interesting indeed.
You see, for some reason men are incapable of telling a lie. I even asked my very good friend Elvis, (who is alive and well in Kalamazoo) and he suggested we do a control test. He intentionally tried to lie while I monitored him with my super secret ultra sensitive lie detector and found that he could tell a lie even in a controlled environment.
So my conclusion is, men don't lie. It's just that women don't want to hear what the man is saying.
I think I should continue to study this but most of my spare time this month with be taken up with a meeting I have in England with Prince Charles and the Queen. I’ll get back to you when I have more time.
Where's the Buckhorn?
Dear Uncle Ralph,
Buckhorn Katie
Dear Katie,
Buckhorn beer is getting more difficult to find. It’s a cheap beer, almost as the quality of Generic Beer. It cost about 3 dollars a case when you can find it. It can be found in the little stores around most trailer parks. You may have to really look though.
If you can’t find it in your area, write to Pabst Brewing company. This is one of their low-end beers. Ask them to provide it in your area.
Please note, that Buckhorn is not available in New York or Washington city. It appears that in those areas, there is a conspiracy to keep the cheap beer out of the hands of us trailer trash. Apparently, the thought is, if we can’t get our beer, we’ll pack up our trailers and move.
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Copyright September 2008 all rights reserved
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