Their Reality Bites

Dear Uncle Ralph,

   All these new reality shows seem to completely miss the point. Why don't they make a show called Trailer Park Queen. The winner could win a crown made out of Buckhorn beer cans, and a new double-wide. Maybe you should tell that to the suits in Hollywood?

Scott

Dear Scott,

You are so right!  These “Reality” shows never reflect my reality or any one else’s as far as I can tell  (With the notable exception of COPS where I saw my cousin once).

I think that if the dudes in Hollywood ever showed up at a real trailer park they would see what they are missing.  Talk about a celebration of life!

So I like your idea and I hope some dude in a suit is reading.

Uncle Ralph

P.S.  Who knows, perhaps we may soon see an Ask Uncle Ralph sitcom.

 Trailer Trash & Rednecks

Dear Uncle Ralph: 

I've been invited to a trailer trash party in June, and my friends says that it sounds like a redneck party instead of a trailer trash party, so my question is what is the difference between the two?

Weezzy

Dear Weezzy,

Not much.  Trailer Trash tends to chew tobacco less but they drink a better beer.  (read: Buckhorn)

 

Just remember these rules of thumb;

1)       Trailer Trash don’t have to live in trailers.

2)       Rednecks can and often do live in trailers.

3)       Trailer Trash tends to move a lot.

4)       Rednecks tend to fall down when drunk.

5)       Rednecks have more guns & Trailer Trash has more fun.

I hope this clears some things up for you.  Enjoy your party.

Boyfriend Issues.

Dear uncle Ralph

. ok... i love my boyfriend with all my heart we have liked eachother for a year and we have been together for a month and 3 weeks and before we got together i was with this guy ryan and i loved him so much and i still have a lil thing wit him like when i see him wit another gurl and i get jealous... but i love bryan ((my boyfriend))with everything and ryan((my ex))still wants me but i dont want to get with him i just dont kno how to tell ryan ((ex)) that ...cuz i dont wanna hurt his feeling... but i cant jepordize anything wit me and my bf and he had a dream that i was cheating on him and he got tears in his eyes and every night he((bryan my boyfriend)) tells me how much he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life wit me !!!i need help how do i tell my boyfriend that i love him and only him ??? and how do i tell ryan me and him will never be ???

~bryansbaby

Dear Bryansbaby,

Sounds to me like you haven’t gotten over your ex.  Like, late at night when the world quiets down and you’re alone with your thoughts, you still ponder what it would be like to be with Ryan,(ex).

Love, especially young love, sucks until you realize that love is a choice.  You must choose who you are going to love.  That choice should last a lifetime.    At some point, you must choose between Ryan and Bryan.  Once you have made that choice for real it will be easy to tell your ex good bye.

I think that this is also why your boyfriend has had a dream about you cheating on him.  Deep down he senses that you haven’t really decided.

Remember  also, that it’s ok not to choose.  You don’t say how young you are but I get the impression that perhaps you aren’t ready yet to make such a serious choice.   And that really is OK.  Once you are ready, everything becomes much easier.  I promise.

Getting a Good Job

Dear Uncle Ralph,

I cain't get no regular job like at walmart or at a huntin store.  Not even fixin camaros and trucks.  I am attractive.  I know this. My wife tells me all the time.  She thinks I could be a [dirty movie] star.  Does that kind of job pay good money and come with benefits for me, the wife, and the chilluns?

Hammin' it up

Juan Hung Low

Dear Juan,

You must be kidding!  Of course that comes with GREAT benefits. 

You get to run around Naked.

Cable T.V. exposure.

All the Chicks you want.

Free V.D. screening.

Free Aids screening.

Your kids would benefit by having to explain to their friend what their daddy does for a living and your wife would benefit by getting you out of the house more often.

Lots of benefits, just no money.  Guys don’t get paid for that kind of stuff.

!!! Special !!!!

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What's On This Week On the Jerry Springer Show

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