June-9 2002

Lost Teeth

Dear Uncle Ralph

Why is it that trailer trash loose their front teeth before age thirty?

Alice – Alabama.

Dear Alice,

Not everyone looses their teeth before age thirty.  But, yes it would appear that many do.  There are a few possible reasons for this:

1)       Too much beer.  A drunk will often smash his/her own teeth out by raising the bottle too quickly.

2)       Too much beer.  A drunk will run at the mouth until he pisses off someone enough to knock his/her teeth out.

3)       Too much beer.  A drunk will fall down a lot hitting his/her teeth on hard objects.

4)       For men:   not enough beer.    Some find the need to loosen up and not piss off someone else who has had too much beer (usually the wife).

5)       For Women: Hitting the front teeth too frequently when eating.  (usually always)

All this is nothing to worry about, though.  When your 90 you’ll just be eating oatmeal and jello anyhow.

Beer Money

Dear Uncle Ralph

     My wife sends me of to werk evry morning to make some monie ta bye f00d but i dont get it.   i thought you yer spossta make monie to bye beer.   HELP!!!! How can i change her mind???

NO NAME PLEASE

Dear No Name,

Food – Good.   Beer – Better.

I think the problem here is that you are missing opportunity.  Have you ever thought about working in a brewery?  You work, you make money, you drink beer.  You could apply at the Buckhorn Brewery. 

Or Perhaps you could even start your own brewery.  I’m sure if you looked around the front yard, you may find all the equipment to make your own beer.

As far as changing your wife’s mind: forget it.  Women like to eat and trailer park women REALLY like to eat.   Besides, a woman will change her mind all the time but a man will never be able to change it for her.  So perhaps the only way to keep your happy home is to buy enough food to keep her chewing instead of yapping and then buy enough beer so that when she runs out of food and starts yapping, you wont care.

I hope that I have given you a creative way around your problem.  Remember: we’re all in this Big Trailer Park together.

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