|
|
The "Dear Abby" For Trailer Trash A bit of humor for the way we live. |
|
|
|
Your Trailer Trash Friends Need Help. Tell A Friend about this site! |
|
|
Now He Hates Me
hey uncle ralph,
Mandy
Dear Mandy,
It’s too bad you turned the dude down. Now you’ll have to demonstrate your undying love for him.
So, I suggest you tattoo his name somewhere on your body. (ok, if you’re under 15 then get a fake tattoo) Have it say something “Butch Forever” or whatever his name is. Then put on the brightest red lipstick you got, sneak up on him and plant a big kiss on him. You want to be sure to leave lipstick all over him. Then show him your tattoo. Then he’ll understand that you really do love him.
However if that doesn’t work, then have your brother beat the crap out of him.
Uncle Ralph’s Beef Jerky Dear Uncle Ralph,
Does beef jerky make good bait for huntin, fishin,
or pickin up trailer trash women?
Dear Bo,
All of the above. I’ve got my own favorite Beef Jerky Recipe. You can see it here: http://www.askuncleralph.com/Life/uncle_ralphs_beef_jerky_recipe.htm
I make a lot of my own Beef Jerky. I’ve used it for fishing – (great for bass) Used it for hunting – good for bear and a long time ago I used it to attract a date. ( a real long time ago – I’ve been married 22 years).
My cousin, who has been marred 7 times, uses it to attract women. But be forewarned: all the chicks I’ve seen him with ain’t got no teeth. They just gum the beef jerky – it seems like forever. His last wife always seemed to have Jerky Juice running down her chin and then she would wipe it on her T-Shirt. I don’t think she changed that shirt for the entire time they were married.
So enjoy the beef jerky. But just use caution. You never know what kind of woman you’ll attract.
P.S. My beef jerky is also works for tire repair.
Sensitive Cops
Dear Uncle Ralph, IF the local sheriff is a public servant, how come he gets mad when i let him know this. See, the [expletive deleted] was about to write me a ticket and I reminded him that my taxes pay his salary... so I am really his boss. I also reminded him that he was a public servant and told him to go grab me another ber outta the truck. He said he served me right by bing my sho-furr and puttin me up for the night at his place. Why do they get mad?
Jim Dear Jim,
Cops don’t like to be reminded that the only reason they have a job is because we pay them. If you think about it, paying these peoples salaries is a form of public assistance since the public pays for it. It seems that most cops are sensitive about being on public assistance.
It’s better to remember this when you get pulled over. So next time you get pulled over just say “Yes, sir “ a lot. Don’t say anything about being their boss or about doughnuts either. (The fat ones are really sensitive about doughnuts.) Instead tell them what a great job they are doing and to keep up the good work. That will make them feel like they are actually contributing to society instead of just having a job that is paid for by the public.
Dear Uncle Ralph, My boyfriend and I recently had a baby together. He is great and his family has always been somewhat Normal. Since our son was born, my boyfriend's brother and their cousin started sleeping together. The brother and cousin have now moved in together combining my nephews and her children. They are now a big happy incest household, and my boyfriend's family seems to accept this. Now the brother and first cousin are engaged to be married, as soon as their previous divorces are final. As a parent, this makes me very uncomfortable. I have a child to raise in this family, also, and I don't want him to grow up thinking incest is okay. My boyfriend's family does indeed live in a family owned mobile home park, so I am forced to see the Grody Bunch while visiting the other almost normal family members. I have made it clear to my son's new family that I refuse to bring my son around the actual incest participants..their children being confused but innocent. It is beginning to cause friction, which I personally don't mind, but do you think I am overreacting? I would hate to think if [Expletive Deleted] and possible inbreeding with your cousin is okay today, that molesting your children or screwing your sister might be the next generation's level of acceptablity.
Signed Disappointed
Dear Disappointed,
Welcome to Arkansas (or perhaps southern Ohio). These things happen. I always recommend dating outside the family but things change.
Remember when having a baby out of wedlock was taboo? They used to have a special name for kids born out of wedlock. You seem to have accepted that situation without question. So what really is Taboo in the world today?
Yep, your over reacting. And I’d also say you have no right to speak in this. The last generation would not have accepted children out of wedlock. It was appalling to them. But you have made your peace with it. Now you found something that is appalling to you. Even though you and I may not like it, make your peace with it too.
Want to send an Anonymous "Snail Mail" reprint of an Uncle Ralph Column?
Sponsor Advertisement
Your Own Website Starting at Just $1.00 per Month.
Are you sure you have the best long distance rates for your needs? Click Here and you can know for sure.
What's On This Week On the Jerry Springer Show Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Note: Jerry Springer has not endorsed Uncle Ralph and is not affiliated in any way. But he should be.
Special Note: Not all letters are answered here. Some are answered in the Confidentials section of the free News Letter. Be Sure to sign up.
www.LDFacts.com |
Advertisements
Copyright September 2008 all rights reserved
| |||||||||||||||||
