|
|
The "Dear Abby" For Trailer Trash A bit of humor for the way we live. |
|
|
|
Your Trailer Trash Friends Need Help. Tell A Friend about this site! |
|
|
March 9, 2003 Changes Weekly!
Can’t Drink Her Pretty
Dear Uncle Ralph,
My Dad has a new girlfriend. He seems really happy and is even talking about getting married again. The problem is that this woman is one of the ugliest people that I’ve ever seen. I mean not just trailer trash ugly but this woman you couldn’t even drink pretty. I’m 24 and live in my own trailer now so I don’t have to live with her. Is there anything you can advice me to do so my Dad don’t screw up and marry this woman?
Gene
Dear Gene,
She sound pretty ugly if you can’t even drink her pretty. I’ve never seen an ugly women that a few Buckhorns couldn’t beautify.
But let me ask you a serious question. Is your Dad ugly too? You see, my theory is that ugly people date and marry other ugly people and then have ugly kids. So if your Daddy is attracted to an ugly woman and you are your Daddy’s kid, take a good look in the mirror, you may be pretty ugly yourself.
My advice to you is to leave the choices of who your Dad dates up to your Dad. Don’t interfere. If he’s happy, let him stay happy. Perhaps she is meeting some manly need that your Daddy has, such as someone to cook, clean and fetch Buckhorn.
Who Wants to Marry "Bo” Millionaire
Dear Uncle Ralph,
Just Watchin TV
Dear Just Watchin,
I love it! What a great idea. The prize could be a brand new double wide. I’m not one for watch reality shows, but this one I think I could relate to. I’ll pass your suggestion on to my friends at FOX. Maybe you got the next great show!
Food Pyramid for Pregnant Women Dear uncle Ralph
Peng
Dear Peng,
It was only recently that I found out that there is a pyramid made of food. At the very top of the pyramid is a beer can. I hope that it’s Buckhorn!) Some day I hope to travel to Egypt to see it.
But if you are looking for what type of food a pregnant woman should be eating, let me suggest the following in order of importance:
1) Pickled Beats and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. 2) Sardines – packed in mustard 3) Ice cream – any flavor 4) Crackers with tuna fish on top 5) Fried Mushrooms and Onions over dry Cheerios 6) And of course Pickles
Never havening been pregnant myself and my lovely wife of 22 years never having been pregnant, the source of my advice comes from my sister. She ate mountains of these items when she was pregnant and all my nephews turned out great.
Who’s My Daddy!
Dear Uncle Ralph,
All 6 of these guys want me to call them Dad and buy them father’s day stuff.
What should I do?
Bud
Dear Bud,
Never miss an opportunity to profit from a sucking situation. First of all, be sure that they all buy you birthday presents and give you allowance. Then find out if any of them has good looking daughters. Your “in-house” dating opportunities should be great! You Uncle Ralph always recommends dating outside the family but in your case you’d only have a 1 in 6 chance of actually dating your sister. Not bad odds.
Enjoy The Benefits of Your Own Website Just $10 to get Started
Are you sure you have the best long distance rates for your needs? Click Here and you can know for sure.
What's On This Week On the Jerry Springer Show Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Note: Jerry Springer has not endorsed Uncle Ralph and is not affiliated in any way. But he should be.
Special Note: Not all letters are answered here. Some are answered in the Confidentials section of the free News Letter. Be Sure to sign up.
www.LDFacts.com |
Advertisements
Copyright September 2008 all rights reserved
| |||||||||||||||||
