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The "Dear Abby" For Trailer Trash A bit of humor for the way we live. |
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Your Trailer Trash Friends Need Help. Tell A Friend about this site! |
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Animal Suicide
Dear Uncle Ralph,
Why are there so many dead animals on the roads?
Miss Billie Wyoming
Dear Miss Billie,
I’m sorry to have to tell you this. But the problem is Animals are committing suicide more and more frequently.
It’s a national problem and not just in Wyoming. A hundred years ago you never saw animals committing suicide but now it happens all the time. Just this morning a squirrel jumped out in front of my car when my lovely wife of 22 years and I when to church. I tried to miss him by swerving but it still managed to jump under my tire.
Animal psychics are telling us that the problem is getting worse. A few months back I spoke with an animal psychic and she told me the problem is because they don’t feel loved. Take for example the Skunk. How could you possibly love something that smells like that? The Skunk knows he/she can never be loved like a cat can and so they become distraught and depressed and head out to find the nearest road.
My psychic friend has suggested that we leave Prozac out in the garbage at night. The skunks will still smell, but they won’t be inclined to throw themselves under your tires.
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Dear Uncle Ralph,
Thanks, Jim
Dear Jim,
Who you kidding? What the heck do you mean by “comedown”? Come down from a Stock Broker? Dang! The only thing worse than a Stock Broker would be a Lawyer. I’d even suggest you become a sheriff over a stock broker. At least a sheriff is an honest man and ain’t trying to rip grandmothers off.
Come out of your grand delusion and thank God that you are no longer a Stock Broker. Get a real job and live a better life.
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Dear Uncle Ralph,
Mom says I have to wear underwear. She says only bad girls don’t wear underwear. None of my friends do. Even my boyfriend don’t wear underwear and he ain’t bad at all. What do you think? Is it ok to go without underwear? My mom says she’ll agree to what ever you say.
Kathy
Dear Kathy,
It’s a myth that only bad girls don’t wear underwear. That myth got started when a very bad woman, Bonnie Parker (from Bonnie & Clyde fame) was found not to be wearing underwear when she and Clyde Barrow were shot. Everyone talked about how she wasn’t wearing any underwear when she was shot and since she was a very bad woman, the myth that only bad girls don’t wear underwear got started.
It’s an urban legend so tell your Mama to lighten up and feel the breeze.
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Dear Uncle Ralph,
Dear Bo,
Thanks for the tip. I tried it out on the Wall Street Urinal. Works Great!
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