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The "Dear Abby" For Trailer Trash A bit of humor for the way we live. |
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Tell A Friend about this site! Your Trailer Trash Friends Need Help. |
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September
15, 2002 Changes Weekly!
The Company Moved – Lost Job
Dear Uncle Ralph,
Just wondering what I really needs to do - Our
big ole company just decided to move to the state of New Hampshire & me just
lost my job as a costing person. Golly don't know where to go - need a new high
faluking carear.(the banks looking 4 the money 4 the double wide). Can's you
just give me a clu as to what I needs to do. I wants excitement & fun & lots of
people to talk to. Tried out for one of those Walmart greeters type jobs, but
they said they couldn't use a person whose was used to getting big bucks - (and
these ain't the kind with horns). Foller your colum all the time pleese help me
find anu carear.
Dear Lost,
It sucks when a big company decides it has to move in order to get away from people. I think that some of these big CEO types are actually afraid that Trailer Trash will climb up the corporate ladder and take their jobs. Some of these idiots are so afraid that they move their companies down to Mexico.
And I think they should be afraid. Now that we found out that they’re ripping the rest of us off by cooking their books. It even appears that Martha Stewart likes to rip off the little people. (If she goes to jail my kin folk help her decorate.)
I know the pain of loosing a high paying job. When I lived in the suburbs for a while I had a great job putting little screws on little thingy-dos with a power what-cha-call-it on an assembly line. I made almost $7 per hour! That was enough to move up the beer scale to Budweiser.
But then they moved the plant to some South American country where people put little screws on little thingy-dos with a power what-cha-call-it on an assembly line for 49 cents an hour. I heard that with the money they saved the CEO was able to get a new Bentley, a Rolls, and a new house. So I got to move back to my old trailer and resume a more leisurely lifestyle with my Buckhorn Beer.
So the way I see it is, you have a hand full of options for a new career. 1) Get a job as a CEO. 2) Move to New Hampshire and keep your current job. (remember: you may scare them down to Mexico) 3) Get another job at McDonalds even if it does pay less. 4) Embrace your Trailer Trashness, live off of unemployment, let the bank repossess your double wide and move into a single wide.
Remember, although we all go through rough times, you can still drink Buckhorn or Pabst until you get another big $$ job.
Boyfriend Question
Uncle Ralph,
I need help badly. I have a boyfriend, but i
also like someone else. I really really like my boyfriend, but i also really
really like this other guy. I don't know what I should do. What do you think
Uncle Ralph?
Dear Stupid,
Many a fine young chick would be happy to be in your position. A good boyfriend and one in the wings waiting. But if you need to make a choice, you should base it on the following criteria: 1) Who has the best tattoo? (If they don’t love you enough to tattoo their name on them then dump them ASAP) 2) Who’s name will look best tattooed on you? 3) Who has the fastest Camaro or Mustang? 4) Who has the best chance to buy you a nice double wide trailer? 5) Who can take you to the best parties?
Also remember this: Love is fleeting, but a double wide can last a few years.
Wife Wears His Underwear
Dear Uncle Ralph,
I recently discovered my wife wearing my underwear, when confronted, she claimed to have slipped them on by mistake. Then, the next day when I was rummaging around one of the old wrecked pick-up in our overgrown yard, and I came accross a whole pile of soiled mens underwear. My wife, bless her heart denies any knowledge of this stash of breifs. Uncle Ralph, what could be going on and how can I resolve this most puzzling issue?
Confused
Dear Confused,
What you have here is a case of Penis Envy first discovered by Sigmund Freud. It’s obvious that your wife wishes to be a man.
This is something that she’ll outgrow. Just gently remind her that she is a woman by asking her to cook your favorite meal for you, get your next beer and stacking up the laundry for her. After she outgrows it, she look back on what you did for her and appreciate you even more.
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How Much is Too Much? Dear Uncle Ralph,
how many appliances is to many for my 60 by 120 front yard ?
Just Wundrin.
Dear Wundrin,
You can never have too many appliances in your front yard. All you have to remember is leave room for the family Camaro so you have someplace to park it when it finally dies.
Soakin Knee-hi’s
Dear Uncle Ralph,
My kids' daddy (well, he's daddy for 3 of the 6. I think) - anyway, he keeps taking my dirty knee-hi's out of the bathroom sink where I'm soakin' them, and tossing them into the toilet to rinse when he needs to use the sink to clean off his truck parts. Since he has no job and I need to look nice for when I go down to the welfare office, I think he should wait until they're done soaking, but he says he ain't rinsing his truck parts in the toilet. What can we do?
Knee-hi Jane.
Dear Knee-hi,
I agree with your husband on not rinsing his truck parts in the toilet. That would just be gross & icky. I suggest that you find a bucket or old coffee can and soak your knee-hi’s in it. That way you’ll look nice for the welfare people and your old man will have a place to work on his truck.
Special Note: Not all letters are answered here. Some are answered in the Confidentials section of the free News Letter. Be Sure to sign up.
www.LDFacts.com What's On This Week On the Jerry Springer Show Special Note: DO YOU WANT TO BE ON THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW? A producer of the Jerry Springer show has asked that I provide their toll free number so that the Ask Uncle Ralph readers can call them. Associate Producer Jessica is looking for "Strange or unusual" stories. As we all know, the Trailer Trash Community sure has more than their share! Give her a call. Her number is 888-321-5399.
More info can be found at http://www.jerryspringer.com/guestsearch.asp
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Note: Jerry Springer has not endorsed Uncle Ralph and is not affiliated in any way. He's just too cool not to link to. |
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