Christmas Tree Question

Dear Uncle Ralph,

All the needles on my Christmas tree have fallen off. is it safe to plug the lights in?

Love,

aunt burleen

 - sandfly, Georgia

Dear Aunt Burleen,

No, don’t turn the lights on.   I know it can be tempting and you may want to get back into the Christmas spirit, but it sucks when your trailer burns down.

I suggest that you actually get it out of the house.  It wont be so bad now that all the needles have fallen off, so you wont have a trail of needles tracking through the house.

My beautiful, lovely, loving wife of 22 years solved this same problem for us.   Five years ago she found an artificial tree in a garage sale and bought it.  Now December through August we can enjoy the Christmas spirit without having to worry about torching our home.  It’s a beautiful tree.  Silver, not green and stand prominently in our front window.  Last year in July a group of friends stopped bar after the bars closed and sang Christmas Carols.  We invited them in and had a Buckhorn fest until 6am.

Sometime this spring or summer I think that I’ll have one of my nephews burn our old Christmas trees that are stacked up in our back yard.  Perhaps I’ll even turn it into a hotdog roast.  Perhaps that is something you could do also.  It’s a great way to get friends together.

Dating Material 

Dear Uncle Ralph,

   I met a trailer trash woman who don't drink buckhorn and she gots more than 4 teeth. Matter of fact, she got 7 whole teeth.  Is she really trailer trash and is she dating material?

 

Bo

Dear Bo,

Most men are glad to find a woman with most all her teeth.  But, as a man, I can also understand why you might be nervous.  Teeth can hurt.

My advice to you is to not limit yourself to just the trailer trash community when it comes to dating.  There is a lot of virtue in woman even when they are not trailer trash.  But that is what dating is all about.   Getting to know someone better to see if that is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

So here are some things I’d suggest to look for in a good woman.

-          Will she fetch you a Buckhorn – even if she don’t drink?

-          Will she leave you alone when you need to watch NASCAR or football?

-          Will she not nag you to fix her car or things around the trailer?

-          Can she cook?

These are the important things in life to a man.  Find this woman and you’ll be happy.

Carpet Lawn

Dear uncle Ralph,

I read about a Judge in Florida that said people can’t have Carpet on their lawn.  It don’t seem fair.  I live with my folks in Arkansas and we have carpet on our lawn.  Lots of different colored ones too.  Why is it that Florida wont let our trailer trash kin keep theirs?

Coot

Dear Coot,

I also read that article.  I am surprised that someone from Arkansas could read all those big words.  Congratulations!

For the rest of our readers you can see the article here: http://www.kirotv.com/news/2182794/detail.html.

Different states have different rules.   Even though Florida says you can’t do that, there is no point in stressing over it.  That’s the great thing about being trailer trash.  If you don’t like one state you can hitch up your trailer and move somewhere else.  Like Arkansas!  I’m sure that if these people want to keep a carpet lawn that they could move their trailer. 

Want a new neighbor?  They sound like our kind of trailer trash.  Perhaps you could help them move.

Did Grandma Blow Up Lake?

Dear Uncle Ralph,

I heard that your Grandmother blew up a lake in Pullman Michigan.  Is that true?  Your Grandma sounds too cool.  If its true then can I have a picture of her so I can get a tattoo of her?

Tina

Dear Tina,

No, my Grandma didn’t blow up a lake.  Her date did.  It was in the early 70’s.   I wrote all about it here: http://www.askuncleralph.com/Life/missing_grandma.htm

To this day some people think that a meteorite hit the lake.  But we know what really happened.

Yes, my Grandma was cool.  I miss her a lot.  But no, you can’t have a tattoo of my Grandma.  Get your own grandma.

Uncle Ralph

!!! Special !!!!

Want to send an Anonymous

"Snail Mail"

reprint of an

Uncle Ralph

Column?

Click Here for Details

Sponsor Advertisement

Your Own Website

Starting at Just $1.00 per Month.

 Squire Lane Web Hosting

 Are you sure you have the best long distance rates for your needs? 

Click Here and you can know for sure.

What's On This Week On the Jerry Springer Show

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Note: Jerry Springer has not endorsed Uncle Ralph and is not affiliated in any way. 

But he should be.

Special Note:

Not all letters are answered here.  Some are answered in the Confidentials section of the free News Letter.  Be Sure to sign up.

Can't Get Enough of

?

Visit the Archive

Click Here

Need Advice?  Ask Here!

 Click Here

www.SquireLaneWebHosting.com

www.LDFacts.com

Advertisements

Copyright September 2008 all rights reserved