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Dear Uncle Ralph,
I ain't no trailer trash but my wife agreed to
what ever you say about this.
Our toilet ain't worked for 6 months. I
don't see no reason to fix it when we got a outside outhouse. It
works just fine and my wife ain't got to clean it so it's a win-win situation.
No the problem is, her mother fell through the
floor 3 days ago and my wife says it's my fault because I ain't put new floor
boards in. I say it's her fault because she's so fat because my wife
feeds her all our food.
So here's where you come in. Who
should help her get out of the hole? Me because it's my fault or my wife
because it's her fault?
Please hurry with your answer because I'm
getting tired of hearing my mother in-law yelling "Help me! Help me
you S.O.B! I'm gonna kill you!" and all that kinda crap. I
ain't getting much sleep because of it.
Methane Max
Texas
Dear Methane,
Wow! Tough call. My first reaction is that you
should let her out. But you know when you do she is going to kick your
butt. But on the other hand, everyone knows you shouldn't feed a
mother in-law that much. Makes 'em mean.
And as much as you might want to, you just can't fill the hole
up with a backhoe. That would be bad.
So after considering it for a while over a couple of Buckhorn
beers, I think I have your answer. The two of you should do this
together because it's both your fault. Go out and get her a 5th of Jack.
Then get a big rope or chain and have her tie it around her under her arms.
Then tell her to drink the entire 5th. When she passes out, she will be
really relaxed. Then you can back your
truck up, tie the rope to it
and pull her out. It will kinda look like a slug plopping out or
something but don't worry about it.
Now while she is still sleeping, you can hose her down.
Then run like hell.
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