This is a
specially formulated diet designed to help people cope with the
stress that builds up during the day.
Breakfast:
1 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
1 cup skim milk
Lunch:
Small portion lean, steamed chicken
1 cup of spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Hershey’s Kiss
Afternoon Break:
The rest of the Kisses in the bag
1 tub of Hagen Daas Ice Cream with chocolate chip topping
Dinner:
4 bottles of wine (red or white)
2 loaves of garlic bread
1 family-size Supreme pizza
3 Snickers bars
Late Night Snack:
Whole frozen Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the
freezer)
Diet rules:
1. If no one sees you eat something, it has no calories.
2. When drinking a Diet Coke with a chocolate bar, the Diet
Coke cancels out the sugar in the chocolate bar.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if
you do not eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes does not count (for
example, hot chocolate, toast, cheesecake, and vodka.)
5. If you fatten up the people around you, you are
automatically thinner by comparison.
6. Movie theater foods have a zero calorie count as they are part
of the entertainment package and not counted as food intake. This
includes popcorn, Snow Caps, and ice cream.
7. Cookie pieces have no calories because breaking the
cookies up causes calorie leakage.
8. Foods licked from spoons and forks have no fat if you
are in the process of cooking something.
9. Anything eaten while standing has no calories due to
gravity and the density of the calorie mass.
10. Food consumed from someone else’s plate has no fat as
it rightfully belongs to the other person and will cling to his or
her plate.
Always remember: STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.
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