Ask Uncle Ralph - The "Dear Abby" of the Trailer Trash Community.

To answer your question: Dogs make better pets. The bigger the better. Because if the government comes crashing down and you find yourself without a job, food or a place to live, you're dog will make a good meal. Cat's ain't much better than rabbits.

Speaking of dogs, check this Yahoo! news link. This happened just south of where I live.

Hi. I have a two question for you. How you can be sure, that Elvis is really alive? I mean, do you have any evidence about that? And do you know who live there in Graceland now?

Of course Elvis is alive! Dang woman! How dare you question that?!!! That's like saying Jesus ain't Jewish or Buckhorn Beer ain't cheap.

You best go back to trailer trash school and get your butt out of them there suburbanite schools where they teach you stupid things like Obama this and Obama that and the government should own all the banks and GM (Now renamed "Government Motors").

Speaking of Obama, two weeks ago he said it's gonna be ok to pay for your Buckhorn Beer with Welfare and Food Stamps. Cool.

As for your second question, "Who lives in Graceland Now", people come and go, stay a few weeks and move on. People like Janice Joplin, Jim Morison, Johnny Cash and even Elvis shows up once in a while when he needs a break from working at McDonalds in Kalamazoo. (Which is near South Haven Michigan which is where I saw him several years back at the 4th of July fireworks which is why I know he's alive so there!)

If he's sober, I suggest wrapping your arms around him and planting a big slobbery kiss on him.

If he's drunk, roll him over, grab his wallet and go out and have a good time.

Confidentially Speaking

Too Hot To Print The Letter

To Flusher: Oh Yuck! Even I'm grossed out. And no, I won't print the picture.

To Tammi: Real women don't fart like that. They "Panty Fluff".

Uncle Ralph

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MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

NICKNAMES:
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each
other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike , Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer
to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mike , Dave and John will each throw in
$20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything
smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators..

MONEY:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but
it's on sale.

BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is
337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't..
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she
does.

DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty
the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows
about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods,
secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people
remembering the same thing!

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